Anger and other things we wish we didn't have to deal with

One of the blessings (and sometimes I say "blessings" by faith) of homeschool is that I am able to observe and address the issues that my kids have, be they emotional, behavioral, or attitudinal (is attitudinal a word?). My kids are the kind, bless their hearts, who teachers and babysitters love because they're just so "good." That's because they've used up all their evil on their parents. Or maybe because they don't feel the same kind of freedom to express their evil. Yeah, let's say that because it sounds better. Regardless, just because kids don't misbehave doesn't mean they don't want to. So I guess in that sense I'm glad it comes out at home so I can help them with it.

In light of the current issues in our house, I picked up a book called Helping Your Kids Deal with Anger, Fear and Sadness. Ethan has developed, within the last year or so, what we call the "disproportionate emotional response" when he doesn't get what he wants. Maybe he's making up for the first seven years of his life being easy going, or maybe he's dealing with the great emotional upheaval of our family life in the last year. Again, I'm going with the latter. I've never thought of Ethan as angry, but I think it's because I never identified these symptoms as being expressions of anger: changing the rules of a game, not liking change and being resistant to it, being resistant to learning something new and easily frustrated by it, and being a poor sport. Ethan does all of those, in addition to the occasional new outburst of screaming and getting a little wild with his belongings (ok, I'll say it - sometimes he throws things).

Last night we had a classic exhibit A. My friend Jen whose house we have overtaken suggested a movie night for the kids. They couldn't decide between two, so Jen made a fair and executive decision to choose for them. Since it was the one Ethan didn't want, he lost it. Imagine a high pitched squeal starting from deep within and coming to a high crescendo within 2 seconds, sending everyone around him running for shelter. Me - sigh, "Ethan, into the bedroom." In the end, it all worked out, but it brought back into sharp focus the need for me to be reading this book and addressing his anger.

What's most interesting to me is that in reading it, I can recognize the anger in myself. It should be no surprise to me that what has been true of most of this journey is true in this as well: so many of the issues with my kids have their root in my own attitude and behavior. If you homeschool, or are considering homeschool, you should be aware of this oh so true fact: you will learn and change as much or more than your kids. Be prepared for a mirror to put in front of your face every day. You may not always like what you see, but do we really want to go through life blind to the things that keep us from fully living?